Essentially Momming

05Oct 2018 by EssentiallyMomming No Comments

Stop Trying To Be First Class When Clearly You Are Coach

It's almost the Holidays and if there’s one thing you can count on- it’s parents in a crazy rage frantically searching to spoil their kids with whatever new toy Target doesn't have enough of. We end up selling our souls on the black market just so our kids can unwrap a defective Hatchimal on Christmas morning and then never touch it again. If the rush of adrenaline isn't enough to get your blood pumping, just wait until your husband finds out what you spent when the bank statement arrives. The things I did for that damn Hatchimal…. But when will we learn? And it isn't just with toys, it’s with events, too. Like Misery on Ice or whatever it’s called, or the biPolar Express. On several occasions I’ve set all…

28Sep 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 1 Comment

The Real Effect of Eating Carbs: The Story That Started My Blog

The Naked Truth

This is the story that started my blog. What you are about to read is not based on a true story, it IS a true story. I can only hope that someday the footage will be unearthed because trust me that would be really [censored] funny. When I posted this recap of my day on Facebook a year and a half ago, everyone said I should be writing. So I thought to myself, okay, maybe I’ll start a blog. And the rest is history. If you enjoy this story, please share it! Better yet, SUBSCRIBE to my blog so you can continue reading stories just like this. Because you know you want to. I’m a mom. Which means that any chance that I have to eat alone, fully dressed,…

21Sep 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 2 Comments

This Is What Happens When You Choose A Carnival Doctor

The Naked Truth

I consider myself a pretty street-smart chick. I mean, don’t ask me what the square root of anything is, or even what 24 divided by three is. Or really any elementary-level math or above. And I can’t properly use a ruler. But other than that, I can navigate the world pretty confidently using my God-given intuition and good, old fashioned common sense. Really, I can. So when I was recently offered a “Free Wellness Exam” at a chiropractic TENT set up at a CARNIVAL, you would think that surely I knew better than to fall for that sideshow nonsense. I’d like to think that maybe my back pain clouded my judgement that day. Maybe it was the obnoxious clanking of the Calliope music. Maybe it was the food poisoning I…

13Sep 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 1 Comment

Things Every Woman Needs This Fall. Hint-It’s Not Pumpkin Spice Tampons.

Favorite Things

Every once in awhile I like to do a “favorite things” post so I can show you guys some of the things I am loving right now and share them with you, too. And if I can find a way to give you guys a deal on some of them, then that’s just icing on the cake! It’s whip cream icing though, because buttercream is way too much, duh. And this isn't just stuff that I’m pretending to like, or trending items that social media makes us think we’re supposed to love, like pumpkin spice tampons and junk like that. This stuff is GOOD. If you decide to purchase any of these things that have helped me in my life, I want you to know that all but one of…

30Aug 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 9 Comments

The Tooth Fairy: How I Changed The Game

The Mom Life, The Naked Truth

So recently my kid lost his first tooth. Which was a really big deal and a huge life event. For ME. Why didn't anyone warn me about the stress and pressure that comes with impersonating this faux fairy phenomenon? And how did I not see this coming? I mean I had over 6 years to prepare for this moment and I feel like I was a little too close to adding another traumatic childhood event to the checklist of things my kid is gonna have to work through later in life. He’s got enough problems. He’s an only child. So I want to help others. Oops, wrong word. I want to warn others. So you can think of me when it’s your turn. (And hopefully not screw it up).…

24Aug 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 3 Comments

To Be, Or Not To Be… A PTO Mom

The Mom Life, The Naked Truth

Lindsay for President! So it's ‘back to school’ time and you know what that means- more pressure to join the PTO! For those of you who aren't familiar with what PTO stands for- shame on you! Just kidding, you are one lucky Mother! Or Father. And it stands for Parent Teacher Organization. Sounds thrilling, right? Before kids, I always imagined I’d be the perfect PTO mom. Heck, maybe even the PTO president! I mean, my mom made it all look so easy. Every day she walked us to school and then had all day to like mail letters and get film developed or whatever moms did before social media and smart phones. She attended every class party, every school function, and the school staff knew her by name. She had…

07Jun 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 3 Comments

Not My Vacation. Part Two: After My First Trip To Disney…

Series Posts, The Naked Truth

Who knew it would take me 43 days to figure out how to write part II of my Disney blog series? Well, I did. Because frankly, I really didn't want to write it. I came home from Disney and sat down for an hour and wrote down ALL the things I loved about Disney so I wouldn’t forget. And now I can’t find the post-it note. Kidding. Kind of. But seriously. Usually writing comes fairly easily to me so it was a bit disconcerting to find myself opting to clean the urine off my bathroom walls instead of sitting down to write for my blog. So I had to ask myself, why is this so hard for me to write? And why is there so much urine…

20Mar 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 4 Comments

Not My Vacation. Part One: Before My First Trip To Disney

Series Posts, The Mom Life, The Naked Truth

Hi. My name is Lindsay, I am 33 years old, and I have never been to Disney World. And here’s another confession- I have absolutely no desire to. Yep, I said it. Because that’s apparently what happens to children who grow up never having experienced the magic that you can (supposedly) only get at a Disney theme park. I just don't get all the hype. Not even a little bit. I don’t know, there’s something about spending thousands of dollars to walk 27 miles a day and stand in super long lines in the hot Florida sun that just doesn't Tinker my Belle, so to speak. A world of sunburn, blisters, and bankruptcy isn’t my idea of the happiest place on Earth. But I’m a mom and you know how…

23Feb 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 14 Comments

Is Social Media The End Times?

The Naked Truth

I’ll just say it. People are mean. I don't just mean like rude, because sure, people are rude; but I mean people are straight up nasty to each other today! Like cringeworthy, Chef Ramsay looks like a Saint, I’m a little embarrassed to be a human kind of nasty. The thing is, it’s human nature to judge, isn't it? I do it. You do it. We all do it. We are social beings. And frankly, it’s difficult NOT to judge in the world we live in. Pinterest is brimming with very best of the best craft moms all competing to outdo one another in our attempt to create “that perfect pin”; Instagram is page after page of near-perfect photography, making anything less than a picture taken with a Nikon DS72000Pro+…

08Feb 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 15 Comments

Hunger Games: Packing A Lunch My Kid Won’t Eat

The Mom Life, The Naked Truth

You know that happy, warm feeling of maternal satisfaction when your child comes home from school, tosses his empty lunchbox on the counter and then gushes about how yummy his lunch was? Yeah, me neither. Please tell me I’m not the only mom who instantly goes into a state of panic and frustration each night when it’s time to think about packing my kid’s lunch. I wish I didn't get so worked up about it, after all it's basically just a fake lunch anyway- like a prop. Like when you are trying to sell your house but all your furniture has either been shredded by your cats or destroyed by your kids, (or in my case, both), and no one in their right minds would want to buy it.…

04Feb 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 23 Comments

10 Things No One Tells You About Turning 30

The Naked Truth

I’m still on the sweet side of 35, but let me tell you that my thirtieth birthday brought a lot more than DQ ice cream cake and another-year-older-wisdom. I went from being a bright-eyed, wrinkle-free new mom to waking up fumbling for my glasses in order to pop in my dentures almost overnight. Ok, so that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but still. Here’s what I’ve learned, (the hard way), since my 30th birthday. 1. Staying up past 9 p.m. is a chore. Unless of course I have even the slightest trace of caffeine after 10 a.m. in which case I’ll be wide awake all night long. There’s a very fine line between nodding off at work and inadvertently pulling an all-nighter; it’s about 2 teaspoons too much of…

26Jan 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 17 Comments

5 (Honest) Advantages To Having Just One Child

The Mom Life, The Naked Truth

I have one child. He’s five, but if you haven't heard by now, he thinks he's fourteen. I’ve certainly got my work cut out for me with this one and I’m perfectly content with my cozy little family of three. In fact, I’m pretty proud that I’ve even kept him alive this long, thank you very much. *takes a bow* But people like to tell me that I should have more kids. That I’m “doing it wrong.” That I’m being selfish or that I'm psychologically damaging my child by not bringing more humans into this world for the sole purpose of giving him the status of “brother”. Don't get me wrong; I admire all of you parents of two, three, four, and even (gasp!), FIVE kids- but I am just…

22Jan 2018 by EssentiallyMomming 5 Comments

I’m Raising A Real-Life Dennis the Menace (So Help Me God)

The Mom Life

The day I received a call from the Vice Principal of my son's elementary school was a mixed bag of emotions; shock, denial, guilt, shame, and then anger- at both my child and the school simultaneously. My kid is in KINDERGARTEN people. Is it that hard to color between the lines, sit in a circle for story time, and limit the number of boogers you eat in public? And if my kid elbowed a fellow five year old in line, is that really a principal-worthy offense? (In case you were wondering, the answer to all of these is a big fat YES). I went from thinking, “I’m gonna kick that kid’s #%*”, to “This entire school system is more broken than my ‘off limits’ nativity set after Christmas.” I mean, when…

21Jan 2018 by EssentiallyMomming No Comments

What the $*#! just happened?

The Mom Life

So I guess this is happening. It's real. I did it. A REAL blog. In the flesh! Well, there's no flesh involved, but still. (It's not that kind of blog...) Here I am. "Essentially Momming" because let's face it, all of us moms are, essentially, momming it up 24/7. It's what we do. It ain't easy and it isn't always pretty but we mom and we mom HARD. I'm here to show you how I mom and hopefully we can get through this journey together with some love, some laughs, and a whole lotta wine. Or in my case, a whole lotta anxiety but I don't want to scare you right off the bat so let's just go with wine. I guess I should introduce myself. I'm a twenty-something laid…